You. Me. Us.

Things are so different now. Missing my childhood days. People change as they age older(i admit, me too). Those days when we were still young, we used to meet at every meet ups. You, me, we played to all sorts of lil kiddos games – those childhood playing days. We were closed and so on, in fact all of us were close to one another. Meet up almost every weekend. We have to be equal in everything – if i have this you too have this, if you have that i too have that. But things are different now. We are growing older. Leading our own live now. Rarely or rather not even seeing one another at meet ups and so on. It’s definitely impossible to bring back those fun days i had in my life with all these awesome people. You changed. I changed. We changed.

Time to move on Ain. It seemed like you’re the only one still living in the past shadows. Look forward Ain.

Hello holidayz! ☺

SyukurAlhamdulillah no matter how much i whine, complain and (forever)wanting to give up, i managed to pull myself through these obstacles (in terms of humans in school and school education wise) for the past months and hell yes! Semester 2 of Year 1 have finally come to an end!

To conclude Semester 2 of Year 1, frankly it’s twice as tough as Semester 1 of Year 1, and yeah im definitely expecting to hear myself saying Semester 1 of Year 2 is 3 times tougher than Semester 1 of Year 1, Semester 2 or Year 2 is 4 times tougher than Semester 1 of Year 1 and it goes on and on for another 2 more Semesters hahaha, standard brrrro

Im obviously more than glad that im out from this shit load of assignments-projects-presentations-tests-exams shitz of all the shitetz in the world(ok wad was that Ain?).

Now that the holidays are in, it’s the perfect time to give myself the longest rest and sleep that i freakin’ deserve! To recharge and recharge and recharge and recharge and recharge before the new Semester roll’in in a few months time. Kick that aside i definitely can’t be slacking at home throughout, so yup currently hunting for a part-time job(and hoping to be able to still continue working part-time when school starts – that if i really get a job this holiday). But frankly it isn’t easy to get one huh?

So any kind soul wanna hire me?

Ya Know What It Feels Like . . .

I swear it sucks when you try your very best to plan something nice for someone and hoping others will join in e fun by at least helping and cooperating? Or at least throw in some suggestions? In e end i decided to give it a miss and make e exam period as an excuse so that i won’t have to sound extremely mean cause i wouldn’t wanna start a drama with e people i’ve called Friends, cause i know i still treasure them no matter wad. Oh well Monday’s blown away, forget about it… In e near future if im in that kind of situation, i’ll prolly do e same since im given that kind of response from all these awesome people.

Kick those aside. Dun wanna dwell about it, not important anymore.

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Anyhoos! One paper down, another two more to go and it’s e holidayz fellas! Woop woop!

Life As It Is . . .

Had the most hectic-kest(learn this new word from me yo!) days in school this week.

One of the craziest week ever. Datelines to meet – rushing of test, assignments, presentations and lastly finish up on my minnie-mouse for ceramics in one solid week. Wow! Glad im still breathing(despite a lil disruption cause am down with flu since last Wednesday, very bad!)

Feels gud that this week has come to an end! Gonna chill a’lil bit. Catching up on my sleep, the eyes, the poor eyes have been tortured by me to stay awake all the time, so was my body. Lepak abit during the weekend won’t kill, right?

So Dance report, Theatre presentation+test and Talk report for e next week and lastly exams the following week and then………….i can jolly well kiss the campus goodbye for the next 3 months! Woohoo!

Let’s just say around 2 more weeks before the holidays kick in? Hellyeah!

Freedom is coming my way baby!

The Mix

Damn this Krumbstyle Mixtapes Vol.2 – Anthem Up! is so goddamn addictive and have been on replay mode for like forever. A perfect mixtape to tune in to when you need something motivating or to keep you energize while settling e fucking never ending load of assignments project works and research till e wee hours in e morning! Well it definitely works for me!

Perfect Friday

Every single day when it comes to school stuff, life is forever filled with group projects, assignments and…..more group projects. Kick those school stuff aside! Im extremely feeling a lil bit at ease today! Glad that for once(ever since Semester 2 begins) i can keep my mind in peace without having to do or worry over a list of deadlines over e weekends. Say no to group projects at e point of time, yay!(okaaaay minus e draggy Medieval pair work haiyer major boring lah that topic and e research we have to do etc)

Anyhoos Friday today was perfect! Minus e long day in school part fast forward to dinner with my favorite girlfriends @ ENAQ for e bestest Chocolate Prata, Mushroom Prata and spicy to e max Nasi Goreng Ikan Bilis! Yumz! As usual e forever never ending story-telling about anything and everything e continuous laughter till e tummy ache like hell and reminiscing e memorable Secondary school days we had. God we can never get sick of reminiscing e Secondary school days moments despite almost talking about e same old thing at every meet-up yet we still laughed out loud over every incident or stories. Damn i swear i thank God i met these bunch in my Secondary school days it doesn’t matter e girls or e guys, frankly they equally made my day all e time. They’re my happy-pills, those bunch who never fails to take stressful NAFA life off my mind and fill my life full of laughter and happiness. It feels damn awesome being able to conveniently talk about anything to them. They freaking made me feel so much better after every meet up. Totally a precious bunch of humans to my life i swear!

Freaking miss Secondary school days big time man! Those gud and bad days we went through together for 5 solid years.

Thanks to them im in a hell of fucking gud mood! Positive vibes rollin’!

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Say hulo to GayPiggyPlushie! Shoooo tiuttttt! Kekekeke

…take me away

I’ve been telling myself to stay strong at any circumstances im into but shit that’s been going on between me and each one of them for the past weeks totally been pulling me extremely down day by day.

I just don’t understand why is it so tough for them to understand me to bear with me or just at least, understand me thats all im asking for.

Things are just so complicated between me and them. We can never ‘click’ anymore. I really didn’t ask much from them. I just need them to understand me. I just need them to be the one who i can openly talk to about  my tough week in school about my friends about my everyday life outside home. But it’s just too tough to do so when first thing first they just can’t seem to understand me. Maybe there are times when im too ignorant. Urgh! Life is totally unfair. I witness others laughing to anything sharing stories and experiences to one another treating their parents and siblings like their friend but why can’t i freaking do the same? Why is it so hard for them to stop and listen to what i have to say? They blame me at every single shit they think i’ve done wrong. They never even questioned me for if i was really at fault or why i did things that way. I wasn’t even given the chance to talk or if i was given the chance to, they’ll give that attitude face and at that very point of time anger totally went into me and it turns out to be tears+anger that came from me.

There are times when i feel it’s fair to blame them totally. Not knowing a single shit yet began to blame me showing their attitude and i wonder if they ever feel that their words actually broke my heart all the time that got myself crying out loud silently in my heart. Damn i blame myself for having a fragile heart!

YaAllah, i may be strong outside, but i’ve extremely fragile on the inside. Only you know because only you i turned to at every point when im totally down. Only you who witnessed every single tears that came rolling out of my eyes. Only you who understands every single situation i am in. Only you know how i feel at every single point of time.

YaAllah, i feel really blessed, totally bersyukur that at least i believe i still have you at any point of time when i feel that there’s no one in this world could understand me

YaAllah, i’ve been telling myself to calm down but im just extremely upset each time if i were to think of how things between me and them are just so different as i grow older. YaAllah, if my time is really up, by all means, take me away. Frankly i never want to live in this world anymore. Whats the use of living when it feels like no one cares or love me like you do…If i am brave enuff, i would have run away, run faraway from everyone. I want to lead my own life.

YaAllah, you know things best.

Where is the ♥?

As i age older, life has been pretty challenging for me.

I am more affected in the daily-life dramas unlike when i was a kid all i could do was to have fun with life and couldn’t be bothered with my surroundings. Well things just have to be extra dramatic as i grow older.

Frankly i haven’t been feeling the ♥ i should get. Im lonely, yes im lonely. Everyone mind their own business at home, well im more anti-social at home these days so yeah imagine i will only tend to talk share my problems joke around laugh out loud only when im outside – in school or chilling and catching up with some bunch of friends. So if im caught laughing and talking non-stop, you’re one lucky freak to witness it cause i’ve been yearning to do the same when im home but things are just too impossible.

We’re pretty much either not in talking terms with one another or  i myself decided to be the lazybum to communicate with anyone. But one thing for sure, things changed drastically these years. I don’t feel easy approaching them, i watch my words when i intend to ‘joke’ with any of them and in the end the joke is no longer a joke and it’s no longer hilarious, kick jokes aside even if i wanted to share my problems or talk about anything, it’s just too impossible it’s awkward. At times i feel that it get too tense even before i strike a conversation with any of them. Sometimes i just feel like there’s a HUGE barrier in between me and each of them thus made me react this way.

I think it’s pretty normal for a teenager/young adult like me to have our egos in us all the time.

So yup at this point of time people that keep me going(i would say) will be myself(definitely) and friends with their forever encouraging and motivating words. Thank you to you bunch for being there for me!

And so now where’s the support i should be getting from the family? It’s just so awkward living in a place like this.

I just need the ♥ like every kid get from their family and siblings . . . . nothing much right? I miss being pampered, being the baby in the family for being the youngest

I miss my family. I miss my siblings. I miss my Mom.

In any case, i may be angry with any of you, but deep in my heart, i will always ♥ all of you no matter what cause you bunch are the only parents and siblings i have in life right now.

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If i’m given a time machine, i’ll definitely rewind time. Rewind back to those days when i receive countless ♥ coming from Mom, Dad, both my Brothers and both my Sisters . . .

When Its Too Late

It’s funny that people will never learn from their mistake. We’ll continuously repeat our mistakes again and again.

We tend to only appreciate people when they are gone.

Well only then sad to say everything that’s left are memories of the person and right at that point of time you wished you had the power to bring him back to life.

Anyway it sucks to know that someone who’s kind happy-go-lucky extremely friendly respect the elders making family the first priority before himself very protective had a superb talent and all the positive list goes on, left us at a young age. It sounds kind of a waste that they’re gone like in a blink of an eye but who are we to have a say in all these Tuhan lebih sayangkan dia…

In short, treasure your love ones when you still have the opportunity to do so before it’s too late.

Like the saying “No point crying over a spilled milk“

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Didn’t managed to do a full entry before 2011 ended cause i was being me fickle-minded logging into WordPress confidently wanting to do a perfect entry but within minutes as i was browsing through other sites i began to loose focus and ended up signing out from WordPress

To sum things up 2011 is just as similar to every single year that i’ve been through for the past 18 years breathing in this world but definitely every single year, i’ve gained new experiences and at the same time just like a normal human being we go through the ups and downs in life. We learnt from our mistakes in life(ok which i rarely do cause i tend to repeat my mistakes, all the time ). The bunch of new friends made in life in school or in Facebook – it’s good to make friends with those bunch who’s a fanatic as you are(ok im not a 100% fanatic over anything except for UNGU but at least 68% of me can really go gugugaga over a certain someone heh )

The brand new year rolled in and how time flies we’re in the year of 2012 right now. So the same old cycle goes on in life of a teenager like me

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